Introductions

This isn't really for anyone. I just work better when I have someplace to spread my thoughts out and look at them. If I make my thoughts public, maybe some good could come of it. Maybe people might get to understand me better. Maybe in working out my own issues and thoughts there may be a small thing worth using as your own in your issues and thoughts.
Anyway, I'm a very introspective type of person, and I spend most of my thoughts dissecting the subtleties behind more obvious circumstances. I also think very systematically. Everything can be broken down into more and more simple subsystems until all you're left with is the most basic building block. Everything is like an engine. Psychology, science, politics, machines, nature... If you look at the system overall it is very complex until you divide it into it's most general pieces. In a car you have an engine, a transmission, axles, air filtration systems, electronics, etc. Within the engine you have fuel and air injected into a cylinder which is ignited by a spark plug causing a combustion reaction which drives a piston attached to a cam attached to a shaft the rotates on bearings with carefully engineered gear ratios that interact with the transmission which interacts with axles and transfer cases. A car is very complex. A piston cylinder is extremely simple.
That's what I try to do with my brain, and other people's brains for that matter. Every complex thing is simply a system of subsystems that can be isolated and broken down into smaller subsystems within that subsystem until you're left with the most simple idea that a child could fully grasp.

I want to do that with the issues I struggle with, with my mission to figure out where my life should head, with my mission to understand God better and my relationship with Him. I think my overall goal is to know myself for who I really am, which means dwelling on the thought of what I am, really, which means digging into who I am to God who has the only true understanding of who I am. I think I will mostly work out my thoughts on scripture here, but sometimes I wrestle with ideas that affect my life in a big way that are relevant to my search to understand myself.

As D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones explains in his book "Spiritual Depression", in order to gain control over ourselves, we must learn to talk to ourselves to logically get to the core of why we feel the way we do. This is me talking to myself and letting other people eavesdrop if they so choose.